HotFlash!

Late Breaking Plant Lady News

Big News: The company I work for currently has an opening for an Interior Landscape Designer, which is my dream job.

A week ago last Friday I interviewed for it. (I thought it went well, but I always think it's going well when somebody lets me talk about myself for 90 minutes...) Anyway, all of the decision makers were out of town last week, so I left a message for the head HR guy last Friday. According to his voicemail, he'll be in Houston next week. Based on this information, I don't think a decision is gonna be made any time soon. And it's killing me...any good vibes sent my way would be greatly appreciated! I'll keep you all aprised of any other late breaing developments...

Not So Big News: I've spent entirely too much energy the last several weeks fighting the Cable Wars. Two weeks ago, a big honking branch fell off the stately elm tree in my back yard and ripped the Cable TV line off of my house. It took 12 days, and untold daily phone calls to the Cable TV Scumbags, to get it hooked up again. Re-Hookage was finally accomplished last Wednesday, but the Cable Guy left the actual CABLE on the ground, draped across my backyard. I'm not sure how they got the idea that I wanted my cable line BURIED, but on Thursday afternoon, that's what happened. Oh, and I now have HBO and Showtime, which I never subscribed to. I am so looking forward to another fight with these bastards when my next bill arrives...

Holiday Nomenclature In Plant Land

I love learning new words! And after spending several decades as an Information Technology Professional, it's refreshing to hear new jargon that isn't reduced to three letter acronyms. I've learned a number of new words and phrases from my fellow Plant People this week, and now I'm gonna share them with you. Embrace them and expand your vocabulary.

Becker Boxes - You know all of those fake Christmas packages you see under those fake Chrismas trees at the mall? Those are Becker Boxes! They are (obviously) made by a company called BECKER, and are ingenious in design. They're covered in seasonal fabric that appears to be impervious to almost anything (except maybe Nukes), and have their wide gold ribbons sewn into the box seams. When broken down, they're flat and unimpressive. When they magically spring to life, they look like REAL gifts. Just add a big, flashy bow, and you have instant Christmas.

Ting Ting - This stuff is used to dress up plants and flowers. It looks like a sprig of metallic plant material from Mars, but when you stick it in a pot, it transforms plant life into something festive. Amazing.

Fluffing - No, it's not done with your dryer, and it's not a profession in the porno movie industry (OK, maybe it is, but the law prohibits you from doing that kind of fluffing in a mall...). I'ts what you do to holiday trees, and garlands and wreaths to make them appear more life-like. And it's hell on your hands. Wear gloves, and pack lots of Vaseline Intensive Care lotion. You're gonna need it. (Come to think of it, using gloves and Intensive Care is probably a good idea regardless of the kind of fluffing you're doing...)

Buttons - That's what they call the puffy loops in the middle of a glitzy bow.

Scatter Snow - Irredescent flaky material that you scatter (like snow) around Christmas trees to make tree skirts glitter and glow. It's like fairy dust, and you'll feel just like Tinkerbell when you use it.

Goddamsonofabitchmyfeetarekillingme - What everybody is muttering after 8 hours of standing on concrete while making Becker Boxes, placing Ting Ting, Fluffing, making buttons, and scattering snow. Hey, it's not all roses out there. Even being an Elf has a downside.

OK, now lets all get out there and DECORATE!

No Pill's Gonna Cure These Ills - Plant Land Update

For all of you “As The Greenhouse Turns” fans out there, I thought I’d share a few updates on the happenings in Plant Land. I just know I’ll probably be buried alive with your clamor for more of this kind of news in future posts. And it’s a risk that I’m willing to take.

The Demise Of The Branch Manager From Hell - (You remember her: fake Brit accent, Barbie complex, Tinkerbell fetish, no business skills whatsoever…): She got fired about 6 weeks ago. Sacked. Shit-Canned. Dumped. Most likely a direct result of her pounding shots of vodka at staff meetings, but welcomed none the less. Actually, “welcomed” does not begin to describe the reaction of our branch staff when they heard the news. Dancing, singing, wild giggling and overt rejoicing was what really happened.

The Aftermath Of The Demise Of The Branch Manager From Hell – Not all that good either, but a refreshing change from being tormented daily. The branch is now being run by her three (former) direct reports. They’re all good people, but they’re good people who are in dire need of leadership. Since they currently have no leadership, wackiness is ensuing.

The Ensuing Wackiness – As luck would have it, this has all come down just prior to the busiest season of the year for people in The Plant and Interior Design Biz. IT’S CHRISTMAS! Since a whole snoot-load of money is out there to be made this time of year (you would not believe what big corporate entities are willing to spend to decorate an atrium or a mall for The Holidays), everybody is going nuts getting orders, making Christmas décor, organizing it all, and shipping it out. This process never goes smoothly, but is even crazier when you have at least 3 opinions on how everything should be handled.

The Sad Part – Since I am brilliant, I KNOW how this should all be done. Sadly, I’m just the clerk (my temporary title is Christmas Coordinator, but I’m just a figurehead), and nobody is listening to me.

My Solution – Drink beer, post my frustrations to my blog, and just sit back and watch the madness. Actually, sometimes it’s pretty entertaining. I’m currently getting a huge kick out of watching my boss try to out-shout our staff designer (you remember him: gay, Mexican and high-strung) over which kind of ribbon should be used to decorate the festive tree being installed in a local hospital Fertility Center. The designer thinks that Blue and Silver is too cold. I agree with him. For people trying to make babies, I think that Red and Gold are the absolute best choices (Mucho Caliente!)

The Bottom Line – I would rather endure the Christmas Crazies with The Plant People 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, than spend one more nanosecond trying to manage an Information Technology Department Project Death March. So all in all, life, as always, is good.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

I have been a Woman With A Career (and sometimes just a Woman With A Job) for the past 26 years. In those years I have seen women ascend in workplace stature from "just a secretary" to "our Senior Manager". As with all things, I've seen mixed results. Not everybody is a Super-star, and some seem destined to dwell in the basement. Most women I've known find a comfortable place in the middle, regardless of job title.

Some are just entirely clueless. Which leads me into this particular rant.

I am currently watching the Branch Manager at my beloved Plant Company crash and burn. It's interesting to watch, but disturbing at the same time. I'm not exactly sure what kind of wild-ass stories she wove into her resume, or told during the interview process, but they must have been whoppers. She got the job. And she is, bar-none, one of the most unqualified candidates for her type of position (Vice President, which she wears like a badge of honor) that I have ever seen. But that doesn't make watching her twist in the wind any more comfortable for we (clerical) observers. I don't think that she's a bad person. I just think she's very confused.

I think that it all boils down to Respect. And it's Respect on a lot of levels. Here (in my always humble opinion) are the levels to be considered:

Self-Respect: You've gotta like yourself. It's KEY. I don't think that she does. She's physically adorable, and dresses beautifully. On the flip side, she speaks in a FAKE Brit/Aussie accent, speaks openly about her various plastic surguries, and shows her staff her matching underwear sets and, uh, strategic piercings. In staff meetings. (Ewwwww!) More importantly, she doesn't take her job responsibilities seriously. She's much more interested in being Barbie, The Branch Manager (complete with little pink desk accessories). And she doesn't respect herself enough to present herself as a professional.

Respect For Others: By virtue of the fact that she's sharing (what should be) very personal things with her direct reports, without regard to their sensitivity to such things, she obviously does not care if she's making people uncomfortable. As odd as it seems, I think that she may be looking for respect and admiration. (Or maybe she's just an exhibitionist...a whole realm of psychoanalysis that I'm certainly not qualified to discuss..) More importantly, she's sorely lacking the kind of leadership and support skills that her staff so desperately needs. And she doesn't respect her team enough to find a way to learn, develop and hone those kinds of skills.

Being Respected: She doesn't seem to understand that Respect is something that you earn and not something that you get as a result of your appearance, your parentage, your job title, or your salary. Sadly, I doubt that she's ever gonna figure this one out.

I don't think that she'll be in her job much longer. But I have every expectation that she'll soon find another one just like it. I also expect that she'll continue to have the same problems.

And it's all about Respect.