I've noticed a change in myself recently. Where I was once pretty even tempered, I'm now prone to periods of intense crankiness. I used to be able to tolerate all manner of morons, bad manners, right-wingers, and general thoughtlessness and ineffiencienty. These days, I feel like my head is going to blow off my shoulders when confronted with any or all of the above. Along with the hotfashes, I'm experiencing episodes of white hot rage at all manner of (my perception of) human foibles.
Spending the rest of my life as an angry old lady was not in my life plan. I thought that since I'd always tried to be liberal, open-minded and free thinking, that being a pain in the ass was not in my future. I was wrong. I am there. And my friends and loved ones are suffering my wrath.
It is with great relief that I can report that this is (apparently) a natural phase of the pre-peri-full-metal menopause experience. I did a little research this weekend on both the net and at the actual library. I'm pleased to announce that, based on my reading, I'm not going insane. I won't be a bitch forever. The only thing I can really do about my present state is to sit back, tolerate the ride, and try not to alienate fellow human beings.
It's all about hormones. Mine are currently abandoning the fort and forcing me to fight the war alone. When I was 13 I wore myself out trying to figure out what the war was about in the first place, and then had to handle the ensuing invasion. At least the hormones kept me looking good then. They are most assuradly starting to fail me now.
I won when I was 13 (nobody died, and my friends and family still loved me), and I'll win again. Or at least that's what the books said.
Based on my research, HRT (horomone replacement therapy) is a double-edged sword against the symptoms. The therapy relieves some of them, but introduces other risks. And when the war is over, it appears that most women revert to the personalities they had from the beginning anyway. So, unless the experience is totally unbearable, why take the risk?
So pass the flaxseed and soy milk. Oh yum. This sucks.
