HotFlash!

It's The End Of The World As We Know It...

OK, not really, but there are some seriously screwed up things happening in my neck of the woods. And I've decided to share them with you...

Happy Holidays - Corporate America Is Insane - From The Plant Lady's Perspective:

The company I work for did some major Holiday Decor stuff for a multi-national corporation that you probably own stock in (if you have a 401-K). This company wanted decor that celebrated all relegions / ethnic groups that were observing significant holidays in December. This included Christmas, Hannaukah, and Kwannza. Here's the feedback we got this week from the contact at that account (to be fair, she is only reporting the comments that she got from employees working at the sites that we decorated):

The Menorahs - We screwed up because they needed to be lit, one candle at a time, from the left. Apparently, we lit them from the right. (But isn't that the way that Hebrew is read? I am so confused....)

The Kwanzaa Tree - First off, there is NO SUCH THING as a Kwanzaa Tree. I'm not an African-American, but I'm pretty sure this is true. The company that I work for was trying to provide a well designed icon that would make the company buying it feel politically correct. What the company buying the Kwanzaa Tree was doing was pandering to the 4 or so African-Amercans working for their company. This is pretty sad. What is even sadder is that an employee of the company buying the erzatz Kwanzaa crap bitched because the tree had fruit on it, and didn't have enough giraffes. And that employee isn't even an African-American. She just likes to bitch.

The "Christian" Tree (their words, not mine) - It wasn't CHRISTIAN ENOUGH. We spent another 500 bucks or so buying and installing Angels and Stars to make it more "Christian". Whatever that means. We charged them $1000.00. That's a lot of dough, but it's not painful enough, in my humble opinion. The person requesting this change will probably burn in hell for eternity. As well she should. I'm a pretty sad example of a Christian my own self, but even I know that Christmas isn't about trees, and stars and angels. It's about the LBJ (Little Baby Jesus), and these days, he's way too politically incorrect to install in a corporate atrium. And how sad is that?

Mommas, don't let your babies grow up to be Corporate Dorks....

The Annual Family Christmas Shopping Trip

Every year my mother insists that I, as well as each one of my siblings, accompany her on a Christmas Shopping Trip to pick out gifts for ourselves.

I think that this tradition started in 1970. The reason that I remember this date so well is that I clearly recollect how badly  I reacted to the gifts I got from my parents at Christmas, 1969.

I was a highschool freshman that year. I'd asked my parents for a new shirt and some jewelry, and what I got was (in my 13 year-old brain anyway) the most hideous and thoughtless bunch of gifts that any hormone-crazed pubescent girl ever received for Christmas. And I let EVERYBODY know it. Loudly. After that, Mom decided that the only safe way to avoid a repeat performance of my Holiday Hystryonics was to establish the Shopping Day Tradition. 34 years later, we're still doing it. Today was the big day.

The thing that makes this annual trip more difficult every year is that, as I grow older, my need for stuff diminishes. I love the fact that Mom wants to get me something that I really want, but I really don't want or need anything. What I'd prefer is that we just wander an upscale mall, window shop, and go out for a nice lunch/dinner, and not focus on WHAT I WANT.

I'm happy to announce that we kind of did that today. My sister and her 15-year-old son joined us. And a reasonably good time was had by all. Here are the highlights:

• We had breakfast at the new IHOP (International House Of Pancakes) that just went up in a strip mall near where I live. Where I understand that chowing at the IHOP does not exactly qualify as upscale dining, I am happy to report that the cheese blintzes with strawberry jam and sour cream as just as good now as they were when I was in college (of course in college, the blintzes were consumed at 3 in the morning after a night of drunken debauchery...which does add a bit of flavor...)
• I found a new place to get my hair cut. Where this does not, on the surface, seem like a great accomplishment, I have been struggling with hair maintenance lately. As I reported earlier, I found the scumbag who owned my former favorite hair place several months ago, and he did a wonderful job. Unfortunately, I hate him. As much as I need a haircut, and some serious colorwork right now, the thought of going back to him, GENIUS that he is, was just too much to bear. Now I have an appointment to at least trim up the mess that is currently on my head. It will give me time to plan my next hair move.
• The hairdresser is located at an outlet that also sells my favorite makeup, fragrances, bath stuff, etc. My Christmas gift from Mom will be a gift certificate for this place. I love that we found one one-stop-shopping, and solved my Christmas Gift dilema at the same time. Oh, Happy Happy Joy Joy!
• We had dinner at a new Italian place near the makeup/foo-juice/hair emporium. And it was wonderful. The food was great, and the waitstaff turned me on to a new way to really enjoy great tiramisu...have it with a tiny glass of sherry. Awesome.

The worst part of The Holidays is over for me...now I can just hang out and be merry...

Tidings of Comfort And Joy

Since I am temporarily bi-polar, (due to the hormonal fluctuations and such), I have decided to list all of the reasons that I am currently blissfully engaged in enjoying this holiday season. My mood may change tomorrow, but tonight I'm really enjoying the following:

Great Poinsettia Cultivars: The best one I've seen this year is named Strawberries 'N Cream - Beautiful, small, holly-shaped bracts, gorgeous blush pink and cream color, evenly distributed in the bract, full and lush. Just a gorgeous point. I've only seen 10 inch versions of the plant, and they are magnificent. Don't know it they come any smaller, but if they do, they'd be adorable. Call your florist and order a few. They will make your Xmas merrier.

Good Machines - I just found a really stupid little machine that makes bows. It's called the Bowdabra, but my DBF calls it the BowDingo, and I like that better. It's just a little piece of plastic that gives you a second pair of hands. I decorated my front door wreath with bows that I made with the BowDingo, and I just love it. I'm looking at it right now, and I just can't help smiling.

Christmas Cards - I've gotten a whole bunch so far, which is mind boggling considering that I was so stressed out at this time last year that I never mailed any at all. The cards and letters I've gotten so far have  been so wonderful that they've inspired me to actually send some out this year. And I might even include an Official Christmas Letter. It's hard to say if this is a good or a bad decision. If you're one of my loved ones, you'll get one. You make the call.

Christmas Lights - Now that I am not only nearsighted, but also need bi-focals, viewing almost anything has become a unique experience. As a result, all of my neighbor's Christmas light displays look great to me. As long as they're colorful and shiny. I think that's probably a good thing.

Online Christmas Shopping - Thanks to Coldwater Creek, Amazon, and IlliniGear, the task is complete. Put a fork in  me...I am DONE! (OK, I made a few stops at local places in my neighborhood for truly specialized stuff, but the bulk was done on-line). Say what you will about those creepy computers making life more complicated and difficult, but shopping online sure beats standing in line sweating in your winter coat while kids with sniffly noses come screaming down the aisle you're standing in with their frazzled Moms in hot pursuit....or getting stuck behind a fussy woman with a credit card that just "doesn't work", or ....hey, you get the scenario...

Gotta run...I've got eggnog in the fridge, and a bottle of rum that's screaming to be mixed up with it...talk about your basic comfort and joy...

Sweet Dreams. Wishing you visions of Sugar Plums...

Little Dishes, Big Giggles

I've just gotten home after spending a lovely evening with two former co-workers. One is a dedicated programmer. One is a very talented Business Analyst. Both are still working in the IT department of the nutso company I parted ways with almost 12 months ago.

We met at a tapas restaurant not too far from where I live. There's just something about sharing a couple of pitchers of sangria (which came in awesome hand-thrown ceramic pitchers) and a table full of munchies (aka: tapas) that makes conversation flow and laughter abound. Anyway, here are the highlights of our little gathering:

Food Related Stuff:

• The hand thrown pitchers were far superior to the actual sangria they contained, but after a few glasses, who really gives a rat's ass?
• The calamari was great.
• The garlic potato salad kicked butt.
• The eggplant in Spanish mystery sauce was so-so. The dish would have been greatly improved had the chef actually checked to see that the eggplant was cooked. It's not a vegetable that should be crunchy...
• The scallops were in a great garlicky veggie cheesy creamy sauce, but the actual scallops were a tad mushy.
• We had a beef sirloin tapa that looked like an unconstructed shish-kabob. It was draped in sour cream and was reclining on those little shoestring potato things that you find in a can at the grocery store. I have a sneaky feeling that they do it a little differently in Madrid.

Nutso Company IT Department Related Gossip, God's Honest Truth, and Great Stories Stuff:

• The senior management of the IT department just spent untold tens of thousands of dollars building a state-of-the-art executive conference room (complete with a table that cost 40K and all sorts of remote video meeting cameras and such). It seats 20. Nobody is allowed to book this room for meetings except senior management. There are 3 of them. And they usually only meet with each other. Apparently they like a lot of elbow room. They also built it on the only wall on the floor that has actual windows, so now the IT department itself (filled with cubes of hardworking wage slaves) gets no natural light whatsoever. Everybody is expecting bats to move in shortly, as the atmosphere is so delightfully cave-like.
• None of the worker bees in the IT department got raises this year. They did get a lecture on the company's fiscal woes, a wistful look, and a firm handshake from their senior management. All of the senior managers got promoted.
• They haven't hired any new actual IT employees since I left. They have hired lots of consultants. One is a lady who is a little chubby (my programmer friend describes her in terms of tonnage), and wears lushly colored crushed velvet pantsuits. Exclusively. And sunglasses. Indoors. Apparently she also has a rather severe incontinence problem. On her first day, she managed to dampen every chair she sat in. So everyone has removed the side chairs from their cubicles to prevent her from watering anything in their workspace.
• This company is famous for hiring respectable looking married men who immediately start cheating on their spouses (with coworkers, vendors, cafeteria ladies, anything with a pulse) as soon as the ink on their acceptance letter dries. We had a field day listing all of them, along with who they were currently carrying on with. We even toasted some of the girls they'd discarded along the way. We lit a candle for their unfortunate wives.

A good time was had by all. I've said it before. I'll say it again. I would rather spend the rest of my life making 9.50 an hour working for The Plant People than spend one more nanosecond working for the numb-nuts that run most IT shops.

It was so good to see the girls!

The Value Of Small Truths

As a bonafide Cranky Person, I'm working out some personal irritations here tonight. Dial in later for uplifting or inspirational musings. This is pure crap, but I've gotta get it out. And that's the Beauty Of The Blog. I now have a place to do just that.

Small Truth One: Just because you have a grand life plan all worked out in your feeble little brain, it doesn't mean it's gonna work. Stuff happens, and you go to Plan B. And make sure you HAVE a Plan B. Deal with it, and quit bitching about it. And forget about the Drama Queen stuff. Nobody is listening. Especially me. I am majoring in ignoring you.

Small Truth Two: It's infinately easier to be creative and stylish and thoughtful and breezy when you don't have to handle the genuinely yucky details of everyday life (ie: laundry, cleaning bathrooms, basic automotive maintenance, bill paying, healthy menu planning, etc.) Jackie (K) O. was fabulous because she didn't have to remember which day the garbage got picked up, or when she had to have her leaves raked onto the street for the last official city pick-up. So take that and stuff it in your pill-box hat.

Small Truth Three: Quit bitching about being poisoned by rancid Tater-Tots in North Dakota (where you were forced to eat, since I was being unreasonable after going without food for 12 hours..) I held your head while you puked and made sure you were well hydrated during and after. I even bought the Gatorade, which is the elixir that brought you back to life. It was 5 years ago. Get over it.

Small Truth Four - Hanging out with morons for 11 months takes a toll. I'm losing my edge. I am becoming a moron. This blog entry probably proves that. Stop me before I put one of those hideous magnetic bow things on my car. Please.