HotFlash!

I Watch Bizarre TV Show So You Don't Have To

As yet another service of the HotFlashChick blog, I submit, for your consideration, a few of the odd and amazing things I view on TV (now that they fixed the goddam cable) on a (somewhat) regular basis. These are my favorites this week:

The Runaway Bride Special With Katie Couric - Oh My God...what drek! As much as a bottom feeder as I am, I couldn't tolerate more that 9 minutes of this program. Let me summarize those painful 9 minutes for you: 2 God-Squaders, one of whom obviously has some serious head issues, get together with Katie to talk about how unstable they are, and how badly they cope with everyday life. Katie is 45, but she wants to be the hot little thang that she was when she was 25. (Now that's a serious journalist...)  She fails miserably. The Runaway Bride is stupid and sad. And her fiance is comatose. And I almost went blind...

Cooking Under Fire - This is a PBS reality cooking show. Ming Tsai (aka: Ming The Merciless in my household), Todd English (fancy-schmancy New Yawk Restaurant Guy) and Michael Ruhlman (Big Time Food Guy Wannabe) lead 12 hopeful newbies thru a trial of fire in the professional cooking biz. The prize is getting a Chefs-Ship (?) at one of Mr. English's New Yawk restaurants. Go to PBS.ORG if you're dying for details, and then dial it up on the ol' boob tube on Wednesday nights. It's only a waste of 30 minutes of your life, and it's fun to see what a jerk Ming is, and how talented the remaining newbies are. Mr. English looks like he can whip up a pretty decent breakfast (if you like scrambled eggs and crab cakes, which I do...) Recommended viewing...

The Wacky Alaska Guy - Sadly, you won't ever be able to see this program, since it was part of the absolutely  pathetic pledge drive that the local PBS station (WTTW - We're Truly Truly Weak) put on last week. But it was stunning! It was the story of a guy from Iowa who decided to drop out of sophisticated Iowa Society, pack it up, and move to the Alaskan Wilderness in 1963. The man was amazing. He bought a little spot next to an Alaskan River, cut down a bunch of trees, hand built a cabin (all by himself), foraged for food and water, AND managed to film a lot of the process / progress on a little camera he put on a tripod. He was friggin Superman! AND he lived on his little homestead until he was 83 (which was in 2002...)

The documentary felt a lot like that garbage movie stuff they fed us in grammar school in the '60's. And that's why I and my Sweet Hunge were totally mesmerized by it. I turned my next door neighbor onto it, and she told all of the other neighbors, so everybody on my block got to watch the "encore" presentation of this amazing documentary when it aired last Sunday. A good time was had by all.

I think that three bizarre programs are enough to share with you at one time. I'll be back soon with more amazing TV viewing recommendations. Stay tuned!

Late Breaking Plant Lady News

Big News: The company I work for currently has an opening for an Interior Landscape Designer, which is my dream job.

A week ago last Friday I interviewed for it. (I thought it went well, but I always think it's going well when somebody lets me talk about myself for 90 minutes...) Anyway, all of the decision makers were out of town last week, so I left a message for the head HR guy last Friday. According to his voicemail, he'll be in Houston next week. Based on this information, I don't think a decision is gonna be made any time soon. And it's killing me...any good vibes sent my way would be greatly appreciated! I'll keep you all aprised of any other late breaing developments...

Not So Big News: I've spent entirely too much energy the last several weeks fighting the Cable Wars. Two weeks ago, a big honking branch fell off the stately elm tree in my back yard and ripped the Cable TV line off of my house. It took 12 days, and untold daily phone calls to the Cable TV Scumbags, to get it hooked up again. Re-Hookage was finally accomplished last Wednesday, but the Cable Guy left the actual CABLE on the ground, draped across my backyard. I'm not sure how they got the idea that I wanted my cable line BURIED, but on Thursday afternoon, that's what happened. Oh, and I now have HBO and Showtime, which I never subscribed to. I am so looking forward to another fight with these bastards when my next bill arrives...

Amazing Mail

I get the wackiest mail.

Today brought a letter from a gentleman with the same last name as mine (it's a common name...same name as a fabulous luxury car...altho now that P. Diddy Puff Daddy Dingo Baby What-Iz-Name owns one, I should probably change it to Mercedes..) advising me that he's doing DNA research to determine WHICH William Luxury-Car-Surname ancestor we all descend from. And he's tracing paternal lineage through markers on the Y chromasome. So only Luxury-Car-Surname Guys need apply. The letter to me was addressed to "Mr. HotFlashChick Luxury-Car-Surname"...

I am the family genealogist, and I agree that we have far too many Williams from Way-Back-Land to sort out. About 10 years ago, I happened upon a self-published family history done by a distant cousin in Southern Illinois that appeared to be the key to my confusion. I bought the book. I embraced it. I was happy and serene in the knowledge that the family tree had been accurately reconstructed, and my assistance was no longer necessary. Now it appears that there are some questions regarding the research (due to no fault of the author...) There were JUST TOO MANY Williams to sort out.

And, having no Y chromosome material at hand, I AM USELESS in sorting this mess out. This sucks! What about mitochondrial DNA? The stuff you get from your Mom? The powerhouse of the cell! Why isn't THIS STUFF useful in the investigation? In this case, apparently it isn't...and I'm so bummed...

I'll be forwarding the letter I got requesting Y chromosome data to my male relatives, and put all of the pressure on them. And they'll read it, have a beer, and forget all about it.

In the immortal words of Tammy Wynette, ..."sometimes it hard to be a woman...."

Life In The 'Burbs VS. Life In The City

This comparison is mostly for my own edification. The blog gives me an excuse to list out the pros and cons so I can convince myself that I made the right choice. Bear with me...

City/Pro: Walk to shopping, great restaurants, parks, ample public trans to art, theater, baseball games, museums, bigger parks, greater restaurants

City/Con: You have to walk or take public trans, because EVERYBODY now owns at least 2 cars, and you're competing with car-crazed suburbanites, for the 9 parking spots that still exist.

Suburban /Pro: Walk to park

Suburban/Con: Drive everywhere, ample parking, but since there are no great restaurants, parks, art, theater, baseball games, or museums, what's the point?

City/Con: Noisy, but interesting

Suburban: Quiet, but boring

City/Con: Neighbors...build big fences, cuz most of them will be nuts

Suburban: Neighbors...no need for fences, cuz most of them are wonderful

Oh, geez, this hasn't really helped at all...need to think about it more...

It MUST Be Spring....

Back "in the day" (a phrase I truely despise, but seems appropriate far too often recently..) I was quite the Social Butterfly. Really. I had so many social obligations to fill that I actually NEEDED a date book...

Once I turned 35 and finally sobered up, those social opportunites seemed a little less important. So I stopped concentrating on them and got busy with my career (which was a total mistake, but that's another BLOG entry..) Funny thing...once you stop looking for social opportunities, they sorta stop making themselves available. Which was fine at the time. I was otherwise engaged.

Fast forward to now. I'm so out of the habit of looking for things to do in my spare time that it amazes me when I get inundated with invitations. And that's what's happened this week.

Suddenly, I've got friends coming in from out-of-town, former co-workers that want to congregate and chat about old times, and I'm being solicited to join a couple of seriously social groups that meet regularly and actually do stuff. Like good deeds, and community service, and all of the things that I think are important (but have never been very seriously involved with).

What did I DO to suddenly become this popular? Nothing that I'm aware of. It must be SPRING, and everybody in the Midwest has decided that their event it not complete without me. And it's not cold outside anymore.

I think that the improvement in weather probably has more to do with this than my magnetic personality. But then again, maybe I still have some of that old Magic...

Hope SPRINGS eternal....

Creating Your Own Springtime Reality

I have empowered myself to create my own Springtime!

Sadly, I have no actual power over the wretched March weather here in the Great Midwest. But I do have a few greenback dollars. And my baby sister is in town with nothing to do on this weekend. She may not be aware of this yet, but both she and I will be attending the annual Chicago Flower and Garden Show at Navy Pier this Sunday.

I have never attended this event before. I understand that it is glorious. The venue is completely temperature controlled (indoors, obviously), and jammed with all manner of flowering annuals and perienials, sod, and yard and patio doo-dads and jymcracks. Several tons of soil, plants, flotsam, jetsam and such are turned into a virtual summer day inside one of the exhibit halls as a tonic for winter-weary midwesterners with credit cards.

COUNT ME IN!

The Baby Sis has a digital camera. Tune in later for fab fotos of our adventure into springtime foliage.

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaak!

OK, it's time to face the music. I'm back, and I promise to give you, my faithful reader, an update of my sorry lot in life at least once a week.

I haven't written because it's Winter In The Midwest. This is the time of year that those descended of the true pioneers just hunker down and drink vodka and wait for Spring. Out of respect for my ancestors, I have done just that (and come up with a pretty satisfactory Bloody Mary, if I do say so myself.....)

Anyway, here's what's been going on in my life since shortly before Christmas:

• I got a great haircut for 20 bucks, and found a hairdresser that I think I can live with. Sadly, that was the introductory price, so from now on, I'll be paying full freight.
• I had a wonderful Christmas! My favorite gifts were the refurbished Dressy Bessy and Dapper Dan dolls my Mom gave me, and the beautiful Christmas scrapbook from my sister. My nephew gifted me with homemade strawberry jelly, which was fabulous. I also got booze. It's come in handy..
• My DBF (Dear Boyfriend, aka: My Hunge) gave me a huge check that I used to have my sofa, club chair and ottoman recovered. The couch is done, and it's gorgeous. The chair and it's companion are being picked up for refurbishment this weekend.
• The plumbing went south several weeks ago, making for several very uncomfortable days at Casa HotFlashChick, but all is well now, and hopefully will be for many decades. I found a wonderful, if not too bright, plumber named Wally. He is a wizard.

The good news is that February is over, as is the 1st week of March. Spring is probably only 2 months away. Perhaps. I currently crave July.

Rejoice!

It's The End Of The World As We Know It...

OK, not really, but there are some seriously screwed up things happening in my neck of the woods. And I've decided to share them with you...

Happy Holidays - Corporate America Is Insane - From The Plant Lady's Perspective:

The company I work for did some major Holiday Decor stuff for a multi-national corporation that you probably own stock in (if you have a 401-K). This company wanted decor that celebrated all relegions / ethnic groups that were observing significant holidays in December. This included Christmas, Hannaukah, and Kwannza. Here's the feedback we got this week from the contact at that account (to be fair, she is only reporting the comments that she got from employees working at the sites that we decorated):

The Menorahs - We screwed up because they needed to be lit, one candle at a time, from the left. Apparently, we lit them from the right. (But isn't that the way that Hebrew is read? I am so confused....)

The Kwanzaa Tree - First off, there is NO SUCH THING as a Kwanzaa Tree. I'm not an African-American, but I'm pretty sure this is true. The company that I work for was trying to provide a well designed icon that would make the company buying it feel politically correct. What the company buying the Kwanzaa Tree was doing was pandering to the 4 or so African-Amercans working for their company. This is pretty sad. What is even sadder is that an employee of the company buying the erzatz Kwanzaa crap bitched because the tree had fruit on it, and didn't have enough giraffes. And that employee isn't even an African-American. She just likes to bitch.

The "Christian" Tree (their words, not mine) - It wasn't CHRISTIAN ENOUGH. We spent another 500 bucks or so buying and installing Angels and Stars to make it more "Christian". Whatever that means. We charged them $1000.00. That's a lot of dough, but it's not painful enough, in my humble opinion. The person requesting this change will probably burn in hell for eternity. As well she should. I'm a pretty sad example of a Christian my own self, but even I know that Christmas isn't about trees, and stars and angels. It's about the LBJ (Little Baby Jesus), and these days, he's way too politically incorrect to install in a corporate atrium. And how sad is that?

Mommas, don't let your babies grow up to be Corporate Dorks....

The Annual Family Christmas Shopping Trip

Every year my mother insists that I, as well as each one of my siblings, accompany her on a Christmas Shopping Trip to pick out gifts for ourselves.

I think that this tradition started in 1970. The reason that I remember this date so well is that I clearly recollect how badly  I reacted to the gifts I got from my parents at Christmas, 1969.

I was a highschool freshman that year. I'd asked my parents for a new shirt and some jewelry, and what I got was (in my 13 year-old brain anyway) the most hideous and thoughtless bunch of gifts that any hormone-crazed pubescent girl ever received for Christmas. And I let EVERYBODY know it. Loudly. After that, Mom decided that the only safe way to avoid a repeat performance of my Holiday Hystryonics was to establish the Shopping Day Tradition. 34 years later, we're still doing it. Today was the big day.

The thing that makes this annual trip more difficult every year is that, as I grow older, my need for stuff diminishes. I love the fact that Mom wants to get me something that I really want, but I really don't want or need anything. What I'd prefer is that we just wander an upscale mall, window shop, and go out for a nice lunch/dinner, and not focus on WHAT I WANT.

I'm happy to announce that we kind of did that today. My sister and her 15-year-old son joined us. And a reasonably good time was had by all. Here are the highlights:

• We had breakfast at the new IHOP (International House Of Pancakes) that just went up in a strip mall near where I live. Where I understand that chowing at the IHOP does not exactly qualify as upscale dining, I am happy to report that the cheese blintzes with strawberry jam and sour cream as just as good now as they were when I was in college (of course in college, the blintzes were consumed at 3 in the morning after a night of drunken debauchery...which does add a bit of flavor...)
• I found a new place to get my hair cut. Where this does not, on the surface, seem like a great accomplishment, I have been struggling with hair maintenance lately. As I reported earlier, I found the scumbag who owned my former favorite hair place several months ago, and he did a wonderful job. Unfortunately, I hate him. As much as I need a haircut, and some serious colorwork right now, the thought of going back to him, GENIUS that he is, was just too much to bear. Now I have an appointment to at least trim up the mess that is currently on my head. It will give me time to plan my next hair move.
• The hairdresser is located at an outlet that also sells my favorite makeup, fragrances, bath stuff, etc. My Christmas gift from Mom will be a gift certificate for this place. I love that we found one one-stop-shopping, and solved my Christmas Gift dilema at the same time. Oh, Happy Happy Joy Joy!
• We had dinner at a new Italian place near the makeup/foo-juice/hair emporium. And it was wonderful. The food was great, and the waitstaff turned me on to a new way to really enjoy great tiramisu...have it with a tiny glass of sherry. Awesome.

The worst part of The Holidays is over for me...now I can just hang out and be merry...

Tidings of Comfort And Joy

Since I am temporarily bi-polar, (due to the hormonal fluctuations and such), I have decided to list all of the reasons that I am currently blissfully engaged in enjoying this holiday season. My mood may change tomorrow, but tonight I'm really enjoying the following:

Great Poinsettia Cultivars: The best one I've seen this year is named Strawberries 'N Cream - Beautiful, small, holly-shaped bracts, gorgeous blush pink and cream color, evenly distributed in the bract, full and lush. Just a gorgeous point. I've only seen 10 inch versions of the plant, and they are magnificent. Don't know it they come any smaller, but if they do, they'd be adorable. Call your florist and order a few. They will make your Xmas merrier.

Good Machines - I just found a really stupid little machine that makes bows. It's called the Bowdabra, but my DBF calls it the BowDingo, and I like that better. It's just a little piece of plastic that gives you a second pair of hands. I decorated my front door wreath with bows that I made with the BowDingo, and I just love it. I'm looking at it right now, and I just can't help smiling.

Christmas Cards - I've gotten a whole bunch so far, which is mind boggling considering that I was so stressed out at this time last year that I never mailed any at all. The cards and letters I've gotten so far have  been so wonderful that they've inspired me to actually send some out this year. And I might even include an Official Christmas Letter. It's hard to say if this is a good or a bad decision. If you're one of my loved ones, you'll get one. You make the call.

Christmas Lights - Now that I am not only nearsighted, but also need bi-focals, viewing almost anything has become a unique experience. As a result, all of my neighbor's Christmas light displays look great to me. As long as they're colorful and shiny. I think that's probably a good thing.

Online Christmas Shopping - Thanks to Coldwater Creek, Amazon, and IlliniGear, the task is complete. Put a fork in  me...I am DONE! (OK, I made a few stops at local places in my neighborhood for truly specialized stuff, but the bulk was done on-line). Say what you will about those creepy computers making life more complicated and difficult, but shopping online sure beats standing in line sweating in your winter coat while kids with sniffly noses come screaming down the aisle you're standing in with their frazzled Moms in hot pursuit....or getting stuck behind a fussy woman with a credit card that just "doesn't work", or ....hey, you get the scenario...

Gotta run...I've got eggnog in the fridge, and a bottle of rum that's screaming to be mixed up with it...talk about your basic comfort and joy...

Sweet Dreams. Wishing you visions of Sugar Plums...